I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior in the summer of 2014. It was in that year that I came to know the Lord and surrendered my life to Him. And for the first time in my life I felt like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I finally saw the truth. The famous line, “I once was lost, but now I’m found, was blind but now I see” became my anthem. Life was perfect.
In 2015 I found myself in a situation where I was faced with a choice, a choice between the pleasures of God and the pleasures of the world and sadly, I willfully chose the latter. I lived a life of disobedience and wandered far away from God. I knew I was already grieving His spirit but I still chose to continue sinning. I tried to justify my actions to ease my conscience but God will never contradict His written word. Through my bible readings and the stirring of the Holy Spirit I came face to face with the reality of my transgressions.
In August of 2016 a visiting Pastor preached about sin. He said, “It is not enough to repent but that we must turn away from sin.” In that moment I knew God was speaking to me and calling me to return to Him. And by the grace of God, I found my way home.
2 Timothy 2:13 “If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.” I praise God that His faithfulness endures forever. He hears our cry for help even when we are guilty because He is merciful. He calls us to return to Him anytime because He is always ready to welcome us with open arms. Hebrews 8:12, “Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.” Psalm 103:12 “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” I praise God because He is faithful to forgive. God doesn’t say He will forget our sins—He says He will remember them no more.
When I was going through that season of brokenness, I remember telling myself I would stay strong so God would take pity on me and reward me for my decision to follow Him by giving me what (I thought) I wanted. Looking back now, I see that the reward was never a specific outcome. The reward was (and always will be) God Himself. Psalm 34:8 “Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!” He disciplines us when we disobey Him because He loves us. (Hebrews 12:6) He does not delight in our sadness but He collects every tear in His bottle. (Psalm 56:8) He is always with us even when we turn our backs on Him. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
I would give anything to go back to that fateful day in 2015 and do things differently. If I could only turn back time I would run to God and say,
“Lord, I choose You. I belong to You. I am Yours before I am ever anyone else’s. I will always put you first for I know there is nothing in this world that could satisfy me the way You do. You are all I need, Oh God. Create in me a clean heart and don’t let anything ever separate me from Your presence.
— Oh what I would give to go back to that day and choose You, Oh Lord…
I have been asked on more than one occasion the reason for the hope that is in me. And this is my response — I have chosen to live my life with a deep dependence on Christ. I share the promises of God to people around me not to defend my faith but to remind myself of who God is, for my soul needs these truths day-by-day, moment by moment. I have hope in my heart because I am no longer a mere sinner but a saved sinner. Salvation is a gift of grace that is available to all who believe. (Ephesians 2:8) I have hope in my heart because even though I do not know the future, I know who holds it.
I am writing this today as a woman overwhelmed with God’s goodness and God’s grace
— Grace unending, Grace unrelenting, Grace overflowing, Grace that won’t let go.